I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
