I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
