I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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