Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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