when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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