Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
