pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
