Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
