you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
