got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
