Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
