Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
