Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
