Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
