She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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