Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
