you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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