well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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