...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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