Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
