Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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