Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Randomize
