Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my being single is dangerous.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
