Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
