People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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