if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
