it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
