I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
