8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
