You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
