K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
