Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
