Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
