I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
