good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
