Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
this is an emotional support booty call
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
