Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
