u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
