I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
