Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Randomize
