69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
