Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
