i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
