I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
