Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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