you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
