Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
