My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
