would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will be naked everywhere
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
