my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
