so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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